Headed into Happier Places

Today is my first visit with a therapist. First-EVER. To say I'm nervous could be an understatement.

I don't think it's a surprise to anybody that I suffered from various eating disorders for a short amount of time starting late high school and continuing into...oh wait, ED stays with you forever! I couldn't tell you when I "stopped" or "healed" since I will always struggle with at least thoughts of ED, but I started improving my quality of life at about the time that I met my husband. (Roughly 2 years ago.)

However, when I started to steer clear of my poisonous eating habits, is when I really noticed that I was developing other issues. {I could have been this way my whole life, I just don't remember!} I started to get really controlling & anxious. Growing up I would always "make fun" of my mother & how controlling and crazy she "was." But when I started to develop into an adult similar to my mother I took a step back & realized that she wasn't crazy at all, it's just how she functioned. {Love ya long time Mom (: } 

However, I didn't think anything was really wrong with me. I mean, my mom was fine, and it didn't seem like she talked to any specialists or anything, so why would I need to? I started to believe that what I was dealing with inside was what everyone dealt with. And that's where I thought wrong. 

While everyone has stresses in their lives, and different reactions to everything, what I am dealing with inside is not normal. There are doctors out there that are trained just for what I'm going through. And while I haven't been to the therapist yet, {T minus 4 hours!} I do believe that I suffer from some level of anxiety. I know that it runs in various members of my extended family, so hopefully I can find the right doctors to help me find a happier me.

God doesn't design everyone's bodies the same, just as he especially doesn't design everybody's minds the same. A church primary song comes to mind:

"I know you, and you know me.

We are as different as the sun and the sea.

I know you and you know me,

and that's the way it is supposed to be."

Everyone has a different path in this life. And along that path are different trials. Luckily, sometimes our paths cross with others a little bit & we are able to find people who can relate to our problems and even give us solutions that we wouldn't normally have thought of.

Hopefully all goes well for me today, and even more importantly I hope that all goes well for YOU today (:

I Probably Hate You....

....but don't take it personally.

Seriously, I'm about to get real with you. In order for you to conclude if part of Chelsey hates you, ask yourself these questions.

1. Have you ever enjoyed a meal with me?

2. Have you and I ever been at any function where food was provided? (Snacks, candy, etc.)

3. Do you chew with your mouth open?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, the answer is yes. I hate you. 

But don't leave yet, IT'S NOT ON PURPOSE, I PROMISE. I really don't hate you. However, you may have put me into a rage or given me extreme anxiety. I have a condition called misophonia. Basically, I cannot tolerate when I can hear people chewing. It oftentimes can extend to include, the clanking of silverware against your teeth, biting popsicles, and grinding of teeth. {These are the biggest ones that send me into angry and dark places.} 

Yes, I am aware that I do most of these things myself. They are natural, human things, yet I can hardly tolerate hearing myself doing them, let alone others. 

I used to kick my siblings under the dinner table when they would do it. I have yelled at my darling husband many times for doing it. And yesterday I almost went ape-sh!t on a client for doing it. To these poor people I would like to extend my sincerest apologies, but although my mother taught me that "by saying sorry means you'll never do it again" I can honestly tell you, I will do it again. I will try not to, but it will happen.

From what I learned through recent research: The first documented case of misophonia was in 1997. Before that, doctors just classified it as a fear of sound. {Which it isn't, I love sounds, I just can't stand to hear certain sounds.} Researchers believe that misophonia is genetically linked, it is easier to become present in people who also have traces of OCD and ADD/ADHD either in them or in their families. There isn't a certain time when misophonia starts, however it generally develops in late childhood/early adolescent years. There are currently no known "cures" for misophonia. 

As much as I would love to chomp on Otter Pops with the rest of you, I don't believe that day will ever come. 

Do any of you suffer from something crazy? It might just be real! You never know! Let me know if you are in the same boat as me, I'd love to connect with people who suffer the same!

The Best Poem I've Ever Written {Besides the One in my High School Yearbook}

Today I woke up.

Today I drank water.

Today I washed my face.

Today I did not brush my teeth.

Today I put on make-up.

Today I wore a bun in my hair.

Today I ate a breadstick for breakfast.

Today I drove to work at the dry cleaners.

Today I clocked-in.

Today I took my new dress to the dry cleaners to have some grease taken out.

Today I did my job. 

Diligently.

Today I ate ravioli's from Olive Garden for lunch.

Today I clocked out.

Today I drove home.

Today I made wedding plans.

Today I changed my blog.

Today I took a picture of me pointing to my bun. {As seen above.}

Today I wrote this blog.

And now, today, I am off to enjoy life.