Fried.

Do you ever get so overwhelmed that you just.....stop.

And nothing can happen? And everything that does happen goes wrong? 

I'm at that point right now. I think I hit the climax about an hour ago, and I knelt down (okay, actually we just stayed sitting on the sofa, we're bad with the whole kneeling thing) with my husband and he offered a beautiful prayer/blessing over the problems I'm experiencing. 

School.

Church.

Work.

In that order, those are the things that have made me fry. I feel like the circuits in my brain are sparking with overflowing electricity right now. Yesterday was my 2 year anniversary with my honey bear, and so I decided I didn't want to do any homework on that day. 

And that's where my meltdown began, although I wouldn't experience it until about 10:00 Sunday evening.

I decided on Friday that I was going to do the majority of my schoolwork and studying that day so that I hardly had any left for Sunday. Well between mixing up a surprise for our anniversary, and running errands on Friday, I didn't quite complete the amount of schoolwork I had previously intended. Which leads me to today. I woke up, feeling the ever so familiar twist of guilt in my stomach, in consequence to my pile of studying I had saved for today. But I shook it off, snuggled with my husband & got out of bed around 11. I then got ready for church & we took off, on time for our meetings. 

I decided during church that we should leave early, and the master plan was for us to get to our family dinner early so I could work on homework in peace, and then try to do as much as I could during the evening as possible.

That didn't happen.

What happened was that Chelsey got caught up eating oreos and chatting with family, as well as finding out that I am getting another niece or nephew, and having my brother-in-law work on my virus-riddled computer. (Which was a God-send.) But because all of that ^ ^ ^ happened, my homework didn't.

And by the time we got home from our long drive in the pouring rain, I was starting to shake.

I'll skip the majority of my panic attack, but there was shaking, crying, and a brief trip outside my front door to stare at all the dead bugs near our "welcome" mat. Because that was better than staying inside my house panicking on our sofa.

Skip to prayer time, hugs from Err-Bear, and now I am here. Wrapped up in my pink shabby chic blanket, typing this incredibly pointless blog post. I think the clicking of the keys on my keyboard as I tap each one rhythmically, forming words and words forming sentences, is therapeutic. Because the pounding in my heart, and the voice in my head telling me to just quit all my responsibilities has subsided. And I am alone. With my thoughts, and my peace. 

I don't know what to do, however. I have relatively good grades, all A's, and one B+, but I feel like the fact that it's only been a month in class and I'm already slipping is a bad sign. And here I am panicking about my activity days lesson that I haven't planned out that I am supposed to teach on Tuesday when I have to leave class early to get to activity days on time, but when I'm actually scheduled to work at that time as well, and I haven't worked it all out yet. (Can you say run on sentence? Eeep!)

I think I will just take a hot shower, steep a nice hot cup of tea, and settle in to the hour or so of homework I have left. And I will do all of this while breathing deeply. I can do it, right?