Headed into Happier Places

Today is my first visit with a therapist. First-EVER. To say I'm nervous could be an understatement.

I don't think it's a surprise to anybody that I suffered from various eating disorders for a short amount of time starting late high school and continuing into...oh wait, ED stays with you forever! I couldn't tell you when I "stopped" or "healed" since I will always struggle with at least thoughts of ED, but I started improving my quality of life at about the time that I met my husband. (Roughly 2 years ago.)

However, when I started to steer clear of my poisonous eating habits, is when I really noticed that I was developing other issues. {I could have been this way my whole life, I just don't remember!} I started to get really controlling & anxious. Growing up I would always "make fun" of my mother & how controlling and crazy she "was." But when I started to develop into an adult similar to my mother I took a step back & realized that she wasn't crazy at all, it's just how she functioned. {Love ya long time Mom (: } 

However, I didn't think anything was really wrong with me. I mean, my mom was fine, and it didn't seem like she talked to any specialists or anything, so why would I need to? I started to believe that what I was dealing with inside was what everyone dealt with. And that's where I thought wrong. 

While everyone has stresses in their lives, and different reactions to everything, what I am dealing with inside is not normal. There are doctors out there that are trained just for what I'm going through. And while I haven't been to the therapist yet, {T minus 4 hours!} I do believe that I suffer from some level of anxiety. I know that it runs in various members of my extended family, so hopefully I can find the right doctors to help me find a happier me.

God doesn't design everyone's bodies the same, just as he especially doesn't design everybody's minds the same. A church primary song comes to mind:

"I know you, and you know me.

We are as different as the sun and the sea.

I know you and you know me,

and that's the way it is supposed to be."

Everyone has a different path in this life. And along that path are different trials. Luckily, sometimes our paths cross with others a little bit & we are able to find people who can relate to our problems and even give us solutions that we wouldn't normally have thought of.

Hopefully all goes well for me today, and even more importantly I hope that all goes well for YOU today (:

eyedrops

I have a very weird addiction.

And to be honest, I didn't realize it was an addiction until yesterday. 

Hello, my name is Chels and I use eyedrops.

Now this isn't like the typical "oh my eye itches for the first time in 3 weeks so I'll put an eyedrop in it" use.

This is full-blown. 

I'm talkin' 1 eye drop in each eye every 15 minutes. {If I can.}

It's gotten to the point where if I don't have them, all I can think about is putting them in and relieving my "super itchy" eyes. But you know what? I think that I am going to cut back. This is my new goal.

Although the feeling of the cool drop hitting your aching eye does feel like magic, as it works it's charm and puts you in a better state. And the feeling as you blink your eye to move around the magic fluid, and try to get it to spread throughout the eye-socket, does feel incredible.

I must stop.

It is no longer healthy.

It is an addiction.