Oh and By the Way, You Suck

So after Relief Society today my home teacher Kelton approaches me. 

At first he just says hi, and then after some meaningless small talk he says "I am such a bad home teacher, I haven't contacted you in awhile."

AND WHAT DO I RESPOND WITH?

"Oh, you're terrible!"

The second my response had come out, the horror of my error started to set in and I realized that something had gone completely wrong in my head.

My brain must have snoozed for a second or something. 

That was NOT what I meant to say. The second I had said it Zach Zimmerman {who was eavesdropping on the conversation} just BUSTS out into laughter. And poor Kelton, all awkwardly just looks at me with a blank face.

I immediately try to redeem myself by making up sentences using the word "terrible" that I must have been thinking of. {Every single one of them sounding completely wrong.}

SO embarrassing!

I pretty much just walked off.

Seriously, the kid will probably have self-confidence issues about Home Teaching now.

I hope one day, he will find it in himself to forgive me. 

Let's get NAKED

If I could sum up today in one word, it would be EMBARRASSING. And horrendous. And terrifying. And scarring. Okay so I lied, I wouldn't have enough words to sum it up in just one word.

It all started today while I was tagging items at the dry cleaners. I was just da de dum and la dee dah.

Everything was dandy.

And then the spirit whispered in my ear and said: "Chels, you really should go to the temple today."

And I thought, "well shucks spirit, you are right! That would totally make my week so much better!" 

And it was then and there that the decision was made.

So fast-forward, there I am in the temple just having a splendid time. I was really happy and could totally feel the spirit. I felt just cheery.

So then I do baptisms, still feeling all happy and huzzah, and grateful to be alive.

Afterwards I have a nice little small talk with the ancient lady assisting me.

I then proceed to take a shower when I am done and still pondering on my experience I'm pretty sure I was still smiling. I was so proud of myself for actually going. {Even though my hair was clean.} 

Well, obviously once you are done showering you walk back to your locker thingy in your towel. 

{This is where it all goes down.}

I take a step out of the shower, and go to put my scrunchie in the "dirty" basket.

*SLOW MO*

As I lift my scrunchie into the basket I realize that the hand the scrunchie was in was also the hand holding up my towel. 

As time stands still, and my body goes numb, my towel falls COMPLETELY to the ground. 

And I don't mean awkwardly halfway down where I have to catch it and run away all embarrassed, NO. ALL THE WAY TO THE COLD HARD GROUND BENEATH MY FEET.

I stand there frozen for .002 seconds, and in those .002 seconds I see the ancient lady slightly reach to help me, but then realize she doesn't want to get involved, and the little girl ahead of me see the whole thing and proceed to turn away as fast as possible. 

I immediately grab the towel and adjust it around my body stealing a glance at the not-so-helpful temple worker. As our eyes meet she says something like "Oh sweetie, it happens to everyone." 

BULL-CRAP.

EVERYONE???
Have YOU had a towel commit suicide off of YOUR body?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

But I gave her a quick smile and proceeded to walk away TOTALLY red in the face.

I could not believe it had happened.

I kept thinking I was dreaming and that I would wake up all comfortably in a few seconds. But such was NOT the case. 

Instead, here I am relaying this story to you, my fabulous reader. 

Hoping that through some small miracle, SOMEONE in SOME place of the world will find this funny. 

I'm dying.