Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Working IT

"IT" being my body. 

The term "freshman 15" is nothing new. And I've decided that marriage is the same way, but you gain the "I'm so much in love and marriage is the best thing ever-so I'm going to stay home and cuddle instead of work out 15." 

Now I haven't gained exactly 15 lbs since being married, probably closer to 5-10. But it still bothers me. I've always been a "skinny girl." Naturally skinny until my late teens, then forced skinny until about age 19. And now I'm 21 and weigh __. Come on, I'm not going to really tell you how much I weigh! Because it doesn't matter. {And I don't know..} Weight is the stupidest thing ever. That sounds really immature, but I firmly believe that if we didn't have scales, life would be a helluva lot better!

Think about it, you wouldn't have to worry about being the perfect weight, the only way you could compare yourself to others would be by looking at them! But even then, we're all different heights, so it would be a completely different ball game!

{This is soooo not what I intended for my post.}

Lately I have been making the goal of getting fit for summer! {19 weeks, y'all!} But it doesn't involve losing a "certain amount of pounds." In fact, I don't even own a scale! There is one at work that tempts me, but I can proudly say that I have only used it 2 times! The way I measure my success is in the way I feel.

Do I feel happy after a work out? YES.

Do I have more energy the days that I choose to eat healthy? YES.

Can I sleep better after I long workout? YES.

These things make me feel happy & strong! So I work it! If I'm being completely honest I can tell you that I definitely compare my body to others around me. Especially in the summer. But the feelings I have of eating healthy-ish and working out COMPLETELY outweigh having to live up to that random hot blonde at the pool.

Do what works for you!

Monday, January 13, 2014

Bigger Things

Resolutions and goals. Can anything describe a brand new year more than those two words? I've tried to figure out what it is about humanity that drives us to clean our slate and start anew at the beginning of a new year, but I can't seem to put a finger on it. Perhaps it's the anticipation of the upcoming year, or the bad taste that the previous one has left in our mouths. Whatever it is, it does seem to be refreshing. 

As I have been reflecting on my life {past and future}the biggest thing that has been on my mind is the fact that LIFE IS BIGGER THAN ME. 

Bigger than myself, bigger than my anxiety, bigger than my education, my work, or any of my hobbies. Life is bigger than me, and it's bigger than you. Life encompasses all. Life is the communities where we live, the air we breathe, and the relationships we have. Life is humanity working together, as one. 

Last week I watched a documentary titled Camp 14: Total Control Zone. (Available on Netflix- I highly recommend.) The documentary films Shin Dong-Hyuk, a young man from North Korea who escaped from a prison camp (Camp 14) in January of 2005. He is the only known person to have successfully escaped from a North Korean prison camp, and did so by crawling over the back of his (deceased) friend who had led the way through the electrical fence.

"High school students in America debate why FDR didn't bomb the rail lines to Hitler's camps. Their children may ask, a generation from now, why the West stared at far clearer satellite images of Kim Jong Il's camps, and did nothing." -unknown

We live in a miraculous world. Where I am free to do whatever I want {within reason} and not have any consequences for it. For me it puts many of the political "issues" of the day into such a trivial category. Things like gay marriage and taxes do not measure up to the sobering issues that people around the world endure daily. I am not saying that issues of the free world aren't "real." They do have impacts, and do mean a lot to many people. HOWEVER, if I could have one wish for this year, it would be that we could have the same passion for the value of a human life as we hold for the value of the dollar, or anything else that we get heated about.

I encourage you to take a look around, start small! Offer a smile to someone on the street. Send a card to someone who is struggling. And most importantly, get involved! Look at the people you can help in your community, and country. If you can't donate money, donate time! If you really don't have time, use the power of prayer! Life may be bigger than you and I, but as individuals we are also the beginning of something great. 

Be big.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Headed into Happier Places

Today is my first visit with a therapist. First-EVER. To say I'm nervous could be an understatement.

I don't think it's a surprise to anybody that I suffered from various eating disorders for a short amount of time starting late high school and continuing into...oh wait, ED stays with you forever! I couldn't tell you when I "stopped" or "healed" since I will always struggle with at least thoughts of ED, but I started improving my quality of life at about the time that I met my husband. (Roughly 2 years ago.)

However, when I started to steer clear of my poisonous eating habits, is when I really noticed that I was developing other issues. {I could have been this way my whole life, I just don't remember!} I started to get really controlling & anxious. Growing up I would always "make fun" of my mother & how controlling and crazy she "was." But when I started to develop into an adult similar to my mother I took a step back & realized that she wasn't crazy at all, it's just how she functioned. {Love ya long time Mom (: } 

However, I didn't think anything was really wrong with me. I mean, my mom was fine, and it didn't seem like she talked to any specialists or anything, so why would I need to? I started to believe that what I was dealing with inside was what everyone dealt with. And that's where I thought wrong. 

While everyone has stresses in their lives, and different reactions to everything, what I am dealing with inside is not normal. There are doctors out there that are trained just for what I'm going through. And while I haven't been to the therapist yet, {T minus 4 hours!} I do believe that I suffer from some level of anxiety. I know that it runs in various members of my extended family, so hopefully I can find the right doctors to help me find a happier me.

God doesn't design everyone's bodies the same, just as he especially doesn't design everybody's minds the same. A church primary song comes to mind:

"I know you, and you know me.
We are as different as the sun and the sea.
I know you and you know me,
and that's the way it is supposed to be."

Everyone has a different path in this life. And along that path are different trials. Luckily, sometimes our paths cross with others a little bit & we are able to find people who can relate to our problems and even give us solutions that we wouldn't normally have thought of.

Hopefully all goes well for me today, and even more importantly I hope that all goes well for YOU today (:

Thursday, November 14, 2013

I Probably Hate You....

....but don't take it personally.

Seriously, I'm about to get real with you. In order for you to conclude if part of Chelsey hates you, ask yourself these questions.

1. Have you ever enjoyed a meal with me?

2. Have you and I ever been at any function where food was provided? (Snacks, candy, etc.)

3. Do you chew with your mouth open?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, the answer is yes. I hate you. 

But don't leave yet, IT'S NOT ON PURPOSE, I PROMISE. I really don't hate you. However, you may have put me into a rage or given me extreme anxiety. I have a condition called misophonia. Basically, I cannot tolerate when I can hear people chewing. It oftentimes can extend to include, the clanking of silverware against your teeth, biting popsicles, and grinding of teeth. {These are the biggest ones that send me into angry and dark places.} 

Yes, I am aware that I do most of these things myself. They are natural, human things, yet I can hardly tolerate hearing myself doing them, let alone others. 

I used to kick my siblings under the dinner table when they would do it. I have yelled at my darling husband many times for doing it. And yesterday I almost went ape-sh!t on a client for doing it. To these poor people I would like to extend my sincerest apologies, but although my mother taught me that "by saying sorry means you'll never do it again" I can honestly tell you, I will do it again. I will try not to, but it will happen.

From what I learned through recent research: The first documented case of misophonia was in 1997. Before that, doctors just classified it as a fear of sound. {Which it isn't, I love sounds, I just can't stand to hear certain sounds.} Researchers believe that misophonia is genetically linked, it is easier to become present in people who also have traces of OCD and ADD/ADHD either in them or in their families. There isn't a certain time when misophonia starts, however it generally develops in late childhood/early adolescent years. There are currently no known "cures" for misophonia. 

As much as I would love to chomp on Otter Pops with the rest of you, I don't believe that day will ever come. 

Do any of you suffer from something crazy? It might just be real! You never know! Let me know if you are in the same boat as me, I'd love to connect with people who suffer the same!

Monday, October 21, 2013

Certified Advice

Having been married for over a year, I find that I am now certified to give marriage advice. {That's how it works, right?}

So after this beautiful and very imperfect one year of marriage I would like to share a couple of things that I learned up to this point!

1. Don't buy the thickest comforter for your bed, even though it looks like the best option considering how cold you get at night. 
This was mine and Erron's first mistake when preparing to move in together. We both get colder than snowflakes on a Decembers night so, reasonably, we bought the thickest/warmest/coziest comforter we could find. And MAN was our first night together HOT {and in more than one way (; }! But all kidding aside, it was certifiably the hottest night I've ever experienced. We both forgot to add in the fact that we would be sleeping next to each other, {and in Erron's romantic words he would be "sleeping next to an exhaust tailpipe."} and we were sweating like dogs. Not fun.

2. Go to bed in the middle of a fight.
Throughout my entire life I have always heard the cautionary phrase "Don't go to bed until you have resolved all your problems." Or "Never go to bed angry at one another." Well, I don't know if I just have issues and am really messed up, but doing the opposite is what works best for me. Now I can't say I've gotten Erron's opinion on this matter, but I think he'd agree that the waters are generally smoother when we sleep on our fight. I know that for me, I get really steamed and need time to cool off. Usually I need to come to terms with things myself and then I can approach Erron peacefully to resolve whatever the issue is. So when we were first married and fought at night I would think to myself "Chels, you can't just go to sleep because that's against the rules." First of all, there are no rules. And secondly, this unofficial rule made this a BAJILLION times WORSE. Here I would be at 12:30 AM still arguing with my husband, not anywhere near a "solution," and ADDING to the problem was the thought in the back of my mind "Wow, I'm only going to get 6 hours of sleep tonight. GREAT." Which in turn made things worse because I was then pissed that I was losing time of my coveted sleep.
Go to bed on a fight. If you're anything like me, when you wake up in the morning you will generally be simmered down & able to deal with the situation with a clear mind. 

3. Sex is NOT what you expect.
Sex is freaking amazing. Don't get that confused with what I am saying. However, it is NOT what you learn about in today's society. You think it's going to be just like what you see in the movies, all perfect & romantic. With nothing going wrong. All least this was my view. And I thought I was being realistic. I thought that your first few times were a little rocky with some slight awkwardness, but then you're good to go for the rest of my life together. 
This is not the true story. Let's just say that there are a lot of things that can go wrong.
Sex is work. It's good work, but work.
I don't really want to get too much into this topic, just because it's so personal. And my view is that it is between you, your partner, & God. But I think I'll end on this note: buy the book Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman. This book is one of the greatest books you will ever read. And even if you're already married and have been for years and years, still get it and read it. You wont regret it.

4. Friends will come and go. Mostly go. 
Erron & I have both struggled with this mostly since we got engaged. I don't know what about putting a ring on your left hand makes people run away, but friends that you thought you were tight with will fade into the backdrop of your life. This is a very generalized statement, I realize that. There will be friends that stay, especially your best friends. But don't lose hope. I sank into a bit of depression when I realized that nobody had texted or called me to hang out for months. It's tough. But it does get better. Again, it's just a little bit more work than you're probably used to. 
The best part about "friends in marriage" is that you gain "couple friends" which yes, once-in-awhile, aren't the best, but for the most part they're really fun to have! Just make sure your spouse likes them just as much as you do.

5. Don't compare or tally who is "winning."
This might sounds a bit silly and "der-hur" but it really makes a difference! For example, I was extremely guilty of keeping a tally of how much of our time was spent with his family compared to mine. I'm pretty independent and come from an pretty independent family, so when we got married & started spending more time with his family than mine, I got really hurt. Like to the point where I would come home after hanging out with his family and lock myself in the bathroom and cry. Our families are VERY different. Like I said, mine is more hands-off, while his is very hands-on. So when I started comparing his family to mine is where I got myself into trouble. Everybody is different, make sure you let your spouse know how you are feeling on an issue. Everybody {girl} needs cry time, but make sure that your spouse DOES know if you are hurt. This way issues can be resolved. The point isn't to always get your way, but if you married a good person, they will make sure to work with you to fix the problem & make sure that you are HAPPY! (: Compromises suck sometimes, but in the end, both sides are far happier.

Well, I hope that any or all of these points will help you either prepare for marriage or make your marriage better! Let me know what you think as well as letting me know if I really am just a weirdo.

Thank you for reading!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Being Alone {Or the Lack of It...}

Let me get a little personal here. Why not, right? This is the internet after all. 

Lately I have been getting pretty depressed. I'm not as in love with my job as I thought I would be, yet I make decent money so I'm sort of forced to stay as that is the main reason I am working. I have been super tired lately, like tired to the point where I don't want to even hang out with my husband when I get home, just sleep sleep sleep. And most of all, I haven't had a single girlfriend since I got married over a year ago. {Well, my best friend left on a mission in March, so I technically haven't had a gal-pal since then. BUT lets take the more extreme route (: }

Here I have been, for a little over a year, getting more depressed as the days passed. It seemed like even though I would try my hardest to hang out with girls, nobody gave it a second thought. I would get blown off by my single friends, and my married friends {most of which were newlyweds} were always "too busy." And I never really "connected" with anybody. I could probably count the number of times I've hung out just simply with girls on one hand. Pretty pathetic, right? 

Last night I put a really emo-ish post up on facebook. This is the link here. As you can tell, I found out that I am NOT ALONE. In case you were too lazy to look at the link or couldn't give a shiz about my dramatic life {sidenote, why are you even reading this??} i'll describe what happened. I said something along the lines of "why can't I get friends? Do I have germs or something?" {maybe that was a loose translation...} And what the people of facebook said next astounded me. Nearly every married girl {and boy... we're not sexist here!} that commented on my post AGREED with me!

I'M NOT ALONE.

I'M NOT A DEPRESSED PERSON.

PEOPLE UNDERSTAND ME.

It was probably the best thing facebook has ever done for me. 

So why is it that once we are wed to our one eternal love, we lose many {in my case, almost all} of our friendships? 

Before I was married, I wasn't friends with many girls. I had Marz-Barz AKA bff, but that was about it. It wasn't that girls didn't like me, we got along just fine. But I was mostly friends with boys. Well, once you get married, obviously, you can't just be BFF's with a bunch of guys. {Or at least I can't..... but hey! To each their own...} So when I was first married I just told myself that the reason that I didn't have friends was because all my "old friends" were men! 

Wrong answer, Chels.

As I have recently discovered, it isn't just me, and it wasn't just because all of my friends were guys. It's because this is a real thing that exists! I really couldn't {and quite frankly don't want to} get into the why of this, it's mainly just important for me, and for YOU to remember that you are not alone. Yes, there are girls out there that are party animals, and will always have their closest gals. And yes, I will always be jealous of these girls, but the main thing to remember that I {annnnd you} are not an anomaly. 

So branch out! Try to make new friends, and if {or in my case over the last year WHEN} this happens, don't take it too personally. A LOT of people go through this stage in their life! Be persistant! Don't give up, there are friends out there for you {and me!}!!!

Congratulations for reading this, I hope there is at least one person {besides myself} that reads this and can be blessed by knowing that their friendship life isn't over.

It's just the beginning of a new chapter! 
(: (: (: 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Government Shutdown

I thought since this doesn't happen very often that I would write a post concerning the government shutdown today. Basically the House of Representatives cut all spending to the government starting at midnight last night, in order to try to stave off Obamacare. {Or at least that's my take on it?} The last time there was a shutdown was in 2011, but the budget deal was presented to the president in the "11th hour" thus, it was a shutdown, but one of maybe a couple hours. The time before that was in 1995, and i'm not going to lie to you, I was 3. I don't know what happened there. {And no, I'm not going to Google it.}

I think I can speak for all of us {yes, democrats and republicans alike} when I say that the government shutting down is never a good thing. Since the republicans have the majority vote in the House of Representatives, they are the ones who started this, but I don't think it was ever a desirable option.
People are getting cray-cray up on the twitter-sphere. #nogovernment #notgoingtoschool #parkedinanintersection #norules #nopolice #yolo

No.

That's not what's happening. I hate when people try to be funny and just look so freaking stupid. Only the "non-essential" parts of the government shut down. Police officers don't ever get time off. Firemen don't ever get time off. I think you get my point. What really makes me mad about this is that those in Washington get to cash their paychecks as well. Personally, if you are in charge of shutting down the government and making innocent people lose their pay, you should lose some of yours as well. Equal rights yo.

Hopefully this doesn't last very long. I think I read somewhere that the one in 1995 lasted for 21 days. That's going to be no bueno if that happens again. But just keep our government in your prayers, and I know that everything will work out the way God intends it to.