Friday, September 26, 2014

9th Grade Report Card

It's about time I come clean. You know when you were little and you'd do something bad- and you'd promise yourself you'd tell your parents in like 10 years, because to a 6 year old, 16 is pretty much an adult and they can't get to you then, right?

Was that just me?

Anyways, I'd do lots of things such as sneaking into the treat cupboard above our refrigerator, eating a package of oreos while my mom was in the shower. Or waking up at 2 or 3 in the morning and spend a couple hours watching Spongebob (which I wasn't allowed to watch as a kid) or Courage the Cowardly Dog for a couple hours before returning to bed for the night?

It wasn't just me. I know I've got some relaters out there.

Well when I was in 9th grade I was told that if I got straight A's for the year, I could get a cell phone. It may have only been a semester, but we'll just say I had to get A's all year long. I'd never done it before-and I was going to a new school, so the game was ON!

All year I worked my butt off to get those A's. And each term I was successful......until term 4. The last term of the year. My last shot at getting a phone. 

And I tried so hard--but when my report card came out I HAD A B. I think it was in Latin (I was never great at language..) But I wanted a phone so badly! All my friends had one, it was 2007 for crying out loud! I was going to be in high school-I couldn't go there without a flip phone, right!? 


So I fudged my grades. I waited for that report card to come in the mail. I checked the mailbox everyday, as to be the first person to get my hands on it. About a week after school got out, on a Saturday, it arrived. As I tore it open I said a small prayer that straight A's would appear before my eyes. They didn't. There was that glaring B, looking right into my insecure, flip phone-less soul. It couldn't be.

So I got to work, doctoring my grades. I had a plan that I would scan it into our home computer and just type an A over that hideous B. Well turns out you can't just do that. Or you couldn't in 2007. So I headed over to my good friend Jeanette Smith's house, right around the corner. Together we devised a plan to further doctor the grades. The final plan was 
1. Print an extra copy of the grades.
2. Cut out one of the A's from my various other classes.
3. Paste it onto my report card, covering the B.
4. Print the grade sheet a couple times over in the printer, until the grades looked authentically identical.

It definitely took a longer than those steps sound- but a couple of hours later, I had the results.

It looked authentic & legit. I was getting a flip-phone. I was going to be "in" the in-crowd. 

As I presented the paper to my father, I could not have been prouder of myself. Seriously. Most kids would probably feel guilty, but I was soaring. I WAS GETTING A PHONE! 

My dad was proud as well, I had totally duped my old man. And what was my consequence?

The next day I told my parents what kind of phone I wanted. A Samsung Stripe.
Isn't that a good looking phone? It was tiny, and rounded, perfect for a trendy high school girl. 

And my parents headed down to the T-Mobile to pick up my phone while I was babysitting Ellie Petersen across the street as I always did on Monday evenings.

As I ran across the dark street to my house, I was filled with excitement. And as my parents handed me that beautiful box, I was ecstatic. It was finally mine. 

My parents told me that I only had 400 texts a month. Which definitely bummed me out. They insisted that I had unlimited minutes, so text didn't matter. But again, calling was so lame back then! In high school you don't call-you text. But my bummer moment went back to pure excitement. They sent me up to bed, knowing full well I was just going to be playing with my new phone for a couple hours. Which is exactly what I did.

I had completely swindled my way into getting a cellphone. And it was glorious. I definitely did feel twinges of guilt over the next few months, mostly because I was worried that somehow my parents would find out that I had fudged my report card. But they never did. And I had a beautiful sophomore year at Woods Cross High School.

I do want to publicly apologize to my mother and father for my dishonesty. It was not right, and I am sorry. It hasn't quite been 10 years, but I do hope that you will forgive me. And if not-look at it this way, my experiences will only make me that much better of a parent! Look what you've done for your grandkids! (: (: (:


  1. this is the best thing i have read on this blog

    1. Who are you!? You've commented twice before, and I'd love to know where you come from! And thank you for your compliment! (: